Down the first 100 pounds

Yes, I know, I should have started this 5 months ago (or more) when I had surgery. For some reason I resisted. I made impossible hoops for myself to jump through. I refused to acknowledge that the first 80 pounds I lost were "real pounds" because I had just lost them the year before. So here I am. I shoulda, coulda done a lot of other things. But here's the line in the sand and a start. Here's where I try to do a bit less flailing and wandering around in circles and I try to organize the rest of my loss so that it actually happens.

I have absolutely no idea what my highest weight was. I don't know what I weighed when I started the liquid pre-op diet. The only number I have is for the day before surgery when I went in for my intake appointment. That was 462. I've been counting down from that and weighing in on Wednesdays. So today's official weigh in is 362.6. Which puts me at 100 pounds down.

 My surgery was August 14, 2015, so I'm 2 days short of 20 weeks. I am not the happy person you see talking about their fabulous RNY. I spend a lot of time thinking this was a bad idea. I tend to dwell on all the rotten things like the fact that I can't feel my legs. My doctor (not my surgeon) says it is due to a pinched nerve, but in further research, it looks to me like it is more probably a vitamin B12 deficiency. I'm taking a ton of vitamins including a B12 supplement, but it doesn't seem to have helped. I'm going to make an appointment with my surgeon soon and see if he can address the problem. I would have gone previously, but due to my insurance and its refusal to pay for any weight loss treatment of any kind, I paid out of pocket. The surgeon I could afford to pay isn't local, he is in Las Vegas. There is a ton of support available to his patients, but it is in Las Vegas and I'm about a 7 hour drive from there.

That's another thing I'm trying for starting today-- a better attitude. I freely admit I'm worried I won't come anywhere near the loss I need. I started so high that 100 pounds isn't even half of what I need to lose and I'm halfway into the year where I can expect to lose. I have to do something drastic. A better emotional state is hopefully the first step to that.